writing/artwork

Words reflecting the hard times.

The outer layers of an onion are thin and brittle, they break
easily. These layers can be peeled away and the new layers
get stronger and firmer towards the inside of the onion.
During the process of peeling back the layers tears are shed,
just as happens for a survivor on the journey of healing.
 


 

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SHOPPING 

Stud in a queue to pay for bread,
My turn is soon,
I'm full of dread,

I may have to speak while assistant looks at my eyes,
What will they see,
My fears My tears,
My Horrible Thoughts, My cry's
I try to move but my feet are stuck,
I hide my eyes to hide the muck 

John 

  

Dark Vortex
Sucking me down
Inside Myself

Taking me to a place
I dont want to go

October
brings the Darkness
I cannot see
only the dark figures
of Them

 

ODE TO THOSE WHO TELL ME TO PULL MYSELF UP BY THE BOOTSTRAPS 

do you know how it feels to be afraid to speak?

do you know how it feels to be scared to move?

do you know how it feels to be cornered and beaten?

do you know how it feels to be shut in a box?

do you know how it feels to stand for hours?

do you know how it feels to crouch for hours?

do you know how it feels to have your hands strapped behind your back while lit cigarettes are held in your mouth?

do you know how it feels to be starved for days?

do you know how it feels to be forced to eat until you are sick?

do you know how it feels to eat dog food for tea?

do you know how it feels to dread your father's caress?

do you know how it feels when your mother uses the most intimate, private parts of your body?

do you know how it feels to live in fear of your own mother?

do you know how it feels to be unloved by your parents?

do you know how it feels to want to touch another person but you dare not, lest they respond sexually?

do you know how it feels to fear the slightest touch of another person?

do you know how it feels to want to be close to someone without feeling suspicious?

do you know how it feels to want to be free of nightmares?

do you know how it feels to want to sleep without being frightned of waking up? 

sue

Grey

Grey skies
lead heavy
crush me.

All around the greyness
seeps through
my skin into my soul.

A shroud for
the dying
forms
around my heart.

Will I survive

The Grey?

 

Lonely  11/10/09

Muddling Along

 

I am muddling along
Nobody can see
But in a muddle
I seem to be
No sense of purpose
No goals for me
As I muddle along

Can I get a sense
Of who I used to be
Little glimpses now and then
As I muddle along

Accept this is where I am
The grey cloud in my head
As I muddle along
 

Where have you been
What have you seen
As you muddle along
Waiting for the turning
As you muddle along
It has been a journey
Slow and long
And yet I am still
Just muddling along

 

Laraine 2/06/08

 

 

 

  

Do I hate you
do I love you?
How is it you can pull at me,
why do I long to hear your voice
just one word,
one action- 

Something
to prove me wrong
Something to tell me you cared. 

Where are you now?
Who are your friends?
Is there anyone
who hears you
       waits for you
       loves you
like I did?

I tried to heal
I tried to mend
I wanted to make it work.

Wasted years
Years of fears
Years of tears
and they fall still
because even now
I am waiting
for you.

Aimless -



Posted 28/11/07

 

Night & Day

 

Its approach relentless, nightime is coming,

My mind folds up, and I start running,

Back an forth thoughts will flash,

Too quick to see, yet still it scares me.

 

Night after night, a slumbered fight,

My demon you see comes to freak me,

Falling asleep couldn’t get worse,

Now even starting to feel like a curse.

 

If I sleep straight away,

The nicest of thoughts go astray,

It all creeps in slowly at first,

Till my madness feeds its thirst.

 

I will wake with a fright,

Sweat and trembling with all my might,

Alone in the darkness where he dared,

Me like a child frightened and scared.

 

Sometimes I sleep where I sit,

Because the tiredness makes me forget,

I’ll sleep soundly for a while,

Hopefully even wake with a smile.

Posted 10\2\07

 

From outside my head 

Fear
as I encounter
a darkened abyss
that once bespoke
of a mother’s womb

The boat is held
between the rocky arms
On a still water
that offers a haven
Safety
Shelter

Thrown into the ocean
as the arms move away
and the engulfing waves
tower high
above
and in darkness
So small
So small
A child’s face
Watches

Her safe place gone
all around a strangeness
A darkness
that enters her body
and eats her insides
as she watches
Helpless
and lonely

Posted 23/11.07

 

   PEACE


Memories of younger days
Raging war inside my head
Being still and very quiet
Days full of terror and dread 

Memories of younger days
Nights with sickening fear
Listening for the whispers
Never shedding a tear 

Memories of younger days

 
A wind blows
cold winter
through the space
of my soul

It's chill
moves amongst
the cage bars
of my bones.
So many years
where the Nothingness
of an empty self
aches darkly
in a constant night.

The wind keens,
a lonely cry.
My soul anguish
unable to cry for me.

I listen to the wind
moan within
howling the sound of grief.

And no-one hears
the winds that shriek.
For in Silence
and Alone
my angst freezes my voice
and I remain
Lonely
 

Posted 4/5/07

    FLASHBACKS
I am lying in bed, dreaming my dreams BANG
they are here again.
Walking around inside my head wearing hob-nailed boots.
They must have crept in while I was sleeping.
They are UGLY MEMORIES
Best forgotten.
Memories I don’t remember,
until now.  

I am standing at the window, looking out at the view.
The sea is clam, the sun is shining, I feel relaxed BANG they are here again.
Walking around inside my head wearing hob-nailed boots.
THUD THUD THUD
They stamp their feet in frustration
as I try not to acknowledge their presence.
They wear me down until I stop ignoring them
and let them intrude into my thoughts.

They are UGLY MEMORIES
Best forgotten
Memories I don’t remember
until now.
 

  

Together, we make the difference